Pirates And Ninja

Once in a while a news story comes out that is too good to be true. I know I am a little late to the party with this but you are going to have to get used to it. I am just not on the ball these days.

Behold our ‘hero’ … Art Price Jr.

You may be thinking to yourself, hey that man looks like he is in a arrest picture, what’s up with that? What did Mr. Price get arrested for? Well take your list of possible offenses and look right after ‘Shot Putting Your Own Testicles Through The Neighbours Basketball Net’ and you will find ‘Having Sex With Your Picnic Table’.

It is actually legal to have sex with your own picnic table on your own property. The problem of course was the table was hardly 10 years old.

Click here if you would like to read the news story.

Click here if you would rather watch the news story.

This whole thing is so brilliant, I don’t think I could of made it up. I really have no further comment.

Yesterday’s weigh in was 245.8 which is only a loss of one pound.  But I am not going to complain.  I just need to get my mindset right during the first couple of weeks.  Eating wise I was really good during the week and wavered a bit during the weekend.  Damn you weekend.  Heidi is doing really well too, she has found a collection of healthy and quick recipes that will help since we are short on time around home (and have a tendency to order out way more then we should).

We are going to join the gym at work (for $20 a month it is hard to argue) and I am still trying to figure out when is a the best time of the day to walk the dog.

Sunday was round one of ‘Cleaning Up A Winters Worth Of Dog Sh!t From The Backyard’.  Combined with the fact that I didn’t get the leaves raked before it started to snow it is quite the project.  I would say I got 75% done with 15% being attending to the pond.  It smells foul, I can’t wait!

After the yard work I went straight to softball practice.  I actually wasn’t feeling too bad after it all so I guess my body is starting to get used to ‘doing stuff’.  3 or 4 weeks ago I went out on the street to throw a softball around a few times and I was sore for days.

I am having a bit of a hard time deciding on a my batting song.  Any ideas?  There is so much good stuff out there.

Travis and I really enjoyed this while mommy was out.

Wow, that was weird.  It has been a while, how have you been?  Nice to see you again.  I am glad to be back.

Thanks everyone for your letters and kind words.  I did indeed make it back from my Vegas trip.  The stories about getting into a fist fight with the O’Shea’s Leprechaun and being left for dead in a off strip alleyway were slightly exaggerated.

Life has just been flying by lately.   It has been 7 months since my last post and it only seems like a couple of weeks.  This new job has been extremely time consuming.  I used to spend most of my days surfing the internet, now I work, and I really mean work.  But the drive and the extra time with Travis make it worth it.

Speaking of T-Dogg he just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago.  This last weekend he moved into his ‘big boy’ room and has been out of his crib for a couple of months (we got him a race car bed because I always wanted one).  He is the funniest little dude.  A day doesn’t go by that he doesn’t make me laugh.  But this is just another example of how fast time is going by around here.

What else have I been doing in the last couple of months?  Apparently eating.  I have ballooned back up to almost 250 pounds.  I have been righting the ship this last week and am official back on the right path this week (this mornings weigh in was 246.8).  I knew it was bad when I noticed my ‘fat guy’ appetite was back, I was snacking any chance I could.  No more.

Most of the Boys, some people from work and some other friends have put together a fearsome co-ed softball team and joined a local league.  Everyone is pretty excited.  We probably are going to be pretty bad but we are going to have the most fun.  Currently we are trying to figure out everyone’s batting songs.  Should be a good summer.

I hope to get back to posting a little more often.  I like doing it.  This probably won’t be as well thought through, prepared or edited.  But it should be funny … assuming you like fart jokes.

Aside - This season of Big Brother has been incredible.  Adam is really something special.

Sorry about the low post frequency.  Life and the new job are both pretty crazy.  I don’t really expect that to change much until December, but keep checking back … I am still alive.

Last weekend I tried to qualify to play in the Magic: The Gathering Canadian National Championship.  I played in 2 single elimination qualifiers.   64 Players, top 4 qualify.  In the first one I lost in the final round due to a play mistake of my own.  In the second I lost in an extremely close match in the first round.  I was really happy with the deck I managed to put together and played.  I was a little rusty and don’t seem to play well when a crowd is watching.   With time this will fix itself. 

Boyd (who was qualified on rating) managed to drag hall of famer Gary Wise out to play in the tourney but they both did poorly in the event and skipped the second day.  A kid we used to play with in town, Jamie Archdekin almost made the top 8.  It is funny, he used to be a little pip-squeak kid but now he is a huge dude I would not be interested in fighting.

In the world of fatherhood, sometimes it is the really little things are are the best.  A couple of weekends ago Travis and I actually sat in the recliner together and watched the Notre Dame season opener (College Football).  The game was ugly and we both feel asleep in the chair.  But it was so nice to be able to do.  Travis normally has ‘ants in his pants’ and hardly will sit still for a single minute, let alone 15-20 minutes in a row.  Hanging out watching football is more how I imagined fatherhood, I felt really good.

Tomorrow after work I fly out for 4 days to Vegas.  Sean and I (the married guys) are only staying for the extended long weekend.  Another group of 5 bachelors leave today and are staying a full week.  We are staying at The Castle (Excalibur) because it is on the strip and relatively cheap … plus wizards kick ass.  I am pretty excited, this is the first time I have really gone away for several nights, since Travis was born (there was one work trip earlier in the year).  I hope Heidi and Travis make it though.  I am sure Guinness will keep them in line.  Always bet on black!

Lolcats is one of those internet sensation things I just don’t get.  The odd one is funny but certainly not enough to justify the rabid fanbase.  Now thay being said, I enjoyed this one quite a bit.

Well my new revised weight goal of ‘not gaining weight in August’ (from the previous ‘lose 10 lbs in August’) may be acheivable.  I was rocking 229 this morning and I was even lighter at the beginning of the weekend.

This past week has just been crazy and I can only imagine it to continue at this speed for most of the year.  We will see how we make out.  The guys trip to Vegas is coming up in a couple of more weeks so at least I will have one long weekend to get away from the craziness.

I have been doing as much as I can to get ready for the Magic: The Gathering Canadian National Grinders (as my rating is no longer high enough for me to qualify for such things).  They are a week from this Friday.  I hope to play in the 4pm Standard event with a chance at the 6pm one if that goes bad.  I spent most of my time this weekend with the family not doing much because the next week and change will be pretty Magic-centric.  At least Heidi has her Harry Potter game for the Wii.

Travis has just been hilarious recently.  He has finally started talking a bit.  Anytime something drops on the ground he says ‘Ooh-Ooh’.  Sometimes he says ‘Ooh-Ooh’ and then pushes something off of a table.  He may not quite understand it or perhaps he is even funnier then I give him credit for.  This weekend we had a huge breakthrough.  Now you can say ‘Travis, what does a Pirate say?’ and he will respond with ‘Arrrrgh!’.  One day he will thank me for these skills.

It has been a pretty crazy couple of days.  I am now at my new job getting used to the tremendous amount of process and paperwork now involved in doing anything.  It is going to be a crazy time until the end of the year (at least) but should be fun.

I managed to put on a bunch of weight during the week and weekend.  This morning I was 231.6.  I have changed my August goal to … not put on any weight this month.  Until I get my routine down I don’t think I can pull it out in the second half of the month.  Chaos is not good for the waist.

Saturday was a big 4th birthday bash for our friends son Ethan.  The party was held at Balls Of Fun in Mississauga.  This place is just a huge warehouse with a ballpit, slides, nets, bats and balls.  All sort of balls.  It was great fun for everyone.  Travis absolutely loved it.  Apparently wading around in a ballpit and throwing things at people comes naturally.

Near the end of the event I did something not so smart.  Even after being warned by Sean (though it was several hours before) I decided I needed to fire myself head first down the ‘black slide’.  It was all fun and games until 15 minutes later when I realized that the friction between my elbows and the plastic tube resulted in the removal of the skin from said body part. 

Even today my elbows hurt like nobody’s business.  They start bleeding anytime I stretch my arms too fast, which is a nice feature.  Oh well, the crowd seemed to like it and that’s all that matters.  Sometimes comedy hurts.

Last night I was on bath duty with Travis (which really means that I make sure his head doesn’t go under the water while he plots some sort of inventive way to get a full cup on water onto my pants).  We were having a good time until something happened.

He was running around and made a immature gaseous noise from the lower-rear area of his body.  One of us (can’t remember who) made a comment about how that he gets that from mommy. We laughed.  Then the laughter stopped.

He squatted down and  created an enormous doody (honestly, the size was shocking).  Travis was pretty impressed and appeared like he was going to try to play with his new floating toy.  My daddy-intuition went off and told me that this was not an appropriate action to allow.  Short on time and with few options I had to free hand the new ‘tub toy’ turn and toss it in the toilet.  Thankfully the seat was up.

Another incident in the washroom has possibly scarred me for life.  Do you think being a father qualifies for danger pay?

I really feel like I am stuck in one of those time-loop space/time continuum’s I have heard all about, with regards to this whole weight thing. This morning I weighed in 228.8. Which I believe is a loss of somewhere around half a pound. It may come down to cutting off a limb to make my 10 lbs in August goal.

We had a pretty good weekend. It appears Travis and Heidi are finally feeling better. I think they both managed to get some decent nights of sleep in (though Travis did has one awful night in there too).

Sunday I was in Downtown Toronto attempting to revive my Magic: The Gathering career. Paul, Jav and I played in a sealed deck tournament at 401 convenience. My card pool was pretty bad and I didn’t win a single match. I don’t think I made any major play mistakes so I guess there is some solace in that.

I also managed to get the pocket door up and working in the master bathroom. I have included some picture of the magic. I am pretty happy with my work. I still need to finish the drywall, floor, paint, trim and put the toilet and sink in place.